The Ronisha Caballero Story: Beauty For Ashes

Hi, my name is Ronisha, and this is my testimony.

Before I begin I want to give a trigger warning. Sexual abuse is mentioned here.

This is a story about how God gave me beauty for my ashes. He turned my pain into a purpose. It took me years to tell this story, mainly because I forgot about it. I discovered that the brain has a way of trying to protect itself by locking the memory away somewhere. That’s what happened to me.

For many years, I hid away the fact that I was sexually abused. The earliest memory that I have is around 4-5 years old in Pre-K. A little girl asked to touch my private area. I remember not understanding what she meant and saying yes. Looking back at this moment now as an adult, it’s clear that this little girl was being sexually abused herself. After that experience, it happened again with an older female cousin which began a ripple effect in my life that I had no idea would go on to impact me for the next 23 years. I thought it was normal for people to sexually touch you. I didn’t know I had the ability to say No, I was completely unaware of boundaries.

Because of this, it led me to making a series of bad choices that led to more brokenness and sadness. I found myself in same-sex relationships, not because I was attracted to women, but purely because of lust from the abuse I was suppressing inside. I was searching for security in all the wrong places and people. In my early twenties, I found myself interested in tarot cards and learning about spiritually. For a little while, I felt like this worked for me. I felt like I had a sense of control over my peace and happiness, so I followed it. I went deeper into altars and using oils and candles to attract the things I wanted.

I knew very little about Jesus and the bible. My brother would tell me all of these fantastic things about the stories in the bible, and I would enjoy listening and desired to read some of them myself. He recommended me starting in the book of Matthew. When I did, I came across one bible verse that began to stick with me. In Matthew 12: 43-45, it speaks about when a unclean spirit leaves it goes walking through dry places. I remember saying to myself “what is a unclean spirit?”, and that was the beginning of my obsession with discovering Jesus.

Even then at that point, I was still struggling with promiscuity and holding on to my tarot cards. It wasn’t until September 5th, 2020 that I cried out to the Lord, tired of my brokenness. I desired to me made new, pure and whole. As I was crying, the Lord spoke to me. He said 3 words “I Am Here”. I remember being shocked, but I knew it was Jesus. That was a moment that stole my heart, He spoke to a girl like me in my brokenness. It was confirmation for me that Jesus was real. I threw away my tarot cards and altar that I put up in my room. I decided to believe everything the bible said because I began to experience Him.

September 5th of the next year, I went to a church, and when I went to the altar this woman asked me if I had ever been filled with the Holy Spirit, I said no. As she began to pray for me, and I felt a fire come in through my head into my body and I spoke in tongues for the first time. I was completely shocked at what I had experienced and I knew it was the power of God. This moment took my faith to another level, and I desired to keep going.

At this point, I cut off everyone connected to my old life, removed myself from social media and consecrated to God. I was heavily in my word, watching sermons and learning everything I could about Jesus. This is also where He brought back to my memory the sexual abuse from my childhood. It was almost as if He just unlocked it in my mind, and it hit me. It was in that moment that I realized “this happened to me”. While I did see it, I still didn’t really look at it for long nor did I understand how it was impacting me. I didn’t think It was important so I kept it pushing it away.

After being off grid for so long, I downloaded Instagram back on my phone, I began to see all of my friends having fun and I began to miss my old life. It was as if I grieved my past, I wanted it back. So I went back to it. I started dating and opening the door to promiscuity, but this time I was worse off than I was the first time. It was a full circle moment, back to Matthew 12:43 for me. It was crazy how you can go from being filled with the Holy Spirit, then 6 months later completely backsliding.

That was me, but it was here where I discovered the Grace of God and the length and depths of his Love for me. Each wrong step I took He corrected it. Although I wouldn’t begin to fully unpack the sexual abuse until 2 years later, in 2023 God showed His love to me. He taught me how to trust Him. I had never met anyone in my life as kind, loving and concerned about me the way He was. He never judged me, only loved me. He always spoke to me loving things I’ve never heard before. I had never been defended the way He defended me. Jesus, covered my shame and I knew I was loved by Him. My clarity of God is what rescued me. I saw how much He loved me and how I was made new. He showed me who I was now.

After rooting me in His truth, God then began to show me the root of my pain...the little girl who was acting out of what she thought was normal. He showed me where the pain came from, all the broken choices, and He told me in that moment "I’m giving you beauty for your ashes, triumph for your trauma!" There are so many more details that I kept out for the sake of my new book about my walk through promiscuity. Today, God has birthed a ministry through me, Called to Reign! It’s a place for women who have been through feeling worthless, abused, or broken. It’s a place where we make peace with our past and are transformed into the daughters God has called us to be. I’m living proof that God is a healer, restorer and makes every crooked path straight if you let Him.

Thank you for reading :) Stay tuned for more Called to Reign updates on IG @Reigninlife_

(If you or anyone you know is a survivor of sexual abuse or assault, visit https://helpingsurvivors.org/ for support and resources).