Overcoming Perfectionism

A dear friend of mine and sister in Christ recently shared how she felt the urge from The Lord to post more Christ-led content, but she was hesitant and afraid to. Her fear of posting was rooted in perfectionism and not knowing where to start. I immediately remembered this blog that I wrote out last year and knew it was time to share as it was very similar to the word she shared.

Disclaimer, if you came here looking for a solution to perfectionism I’m afraid you’re going to be disappointed…Lol. This is an area I feel I'm also still a work-in-progress but one that God is working through in me. The only thing I can do is share my story of how I came to be a perfectionist, how it still shows up in my life even in recovery, and words that God has encouraged me with to overcome.

So, here we go...

Reflecting back on my life, I’ve noticed this constant trend of needing to have it all together and "perform" for others. It started at a young age, I aimed for the perfect grades, perfect discipline record, perfect attendance, never to get in trouble with my parents. And while all of these things seem like achievements worth having, it started to create this mindset that glorified achievement and demonized grace.

As my life progressed, perfectionism showed up in many other areas as well. During my college years, I was Miss FAMU, one of the highest student leadership positions on my HBCU campus at the time. Although the experience shaped me positively in many ways, it also further amplified this desire within me to never disappoint anyone and live for the approval of others. Constantly having to be "on", look the part 24/7, live up to the expectations of others, never make a mistake.

From then I became an educator, where my job security was contingent on having high-performing students and proficiency data. While that may not seem wrong, it resulted in me being extremely tough on my students and lacking empathy to their situations and needs sometimes. The priority became standardized test scores over their mental health and well-being.

Fast-forward to today, even with drafting this website and blog, I had to have every detail, word and picture perfectly formatted. Of course wanting to put my best effort into this platform that The Lord has given me, but not at the expense of delaying what may be needed now.

I made a post last year about what life and social media would be like if everyone posted the “worst” parts of their lives versus the “best” parts that they want people to see. How freeing it would be to live in a society where we didn’t compare our lives to perceived perfect situations and weren’t afraid to show human moments and imperfect realities.

I believe that a possible solution to overcoming perfectionism could involve sprinkling imperfect moments into your life. Leave the bed undone once in awhile, sport that stain on your shirt for a second, leave the makeup off and throw on the glasses for a meeting, use slang and mess up a word here or there, show up 5 minutes late to an event once in awhile, baby steps…if you’re a perfectionist this can sound cringy and crazy right? And maybe it is, but a little crazy might be good, Lol. Not to discredit professionalism and cleanliness, but truly our society has become so engrossed with having everything perfectly organized, professional, top performance in this, the best of that…we can sometimes lose ourselves and the room to make mistakes or fail.

What if instead of having it right, we had it real? If we start to cultivate a culture and mindset of showing grace for our humanity moments and letting The Lord be perfected within us…we would feel a lot less pressure and a lot more peace. We may even be able to experience deeper and more meaningful relationships with others from a place of vulnerability…the real, the raw, the imperfect, the not so put together. To me, that’s a far better life to live than giving off a version of yourself that you’re not, and most certainly cannot keep up with forever.

"but He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you [My lovingkindness and My mercy are more than enough—always available—regardless of the situation]; for [My] power is being perfected [and is completed and shows itself most effectively] in [your] weakness. Therefore, I will all the more gladly boast in my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ [may completely enfold me and] may dwell in me." -2 Corinthians 12:9, AMP

Reflection: I once heard that published is better than perfect, and it spoke to me. What’s God calling you to do now that you’re delaying because you want it perfect?