Living Refined (My Testimony)

Welcome to the first official blog post of Living Refined! I'm so grateful that you are here to join in on the powerful stories, lessons being learned, and words of wisdom that will come from this space.

I'm going to kickstart this blog by sharing an overview of my journey of coming to know Christ. After me will come the stories of the brave souls who agree to share their stories of God's protection, redemption and saving grace. I hope you'll stick around and be inspired, challenged, equipped and secured in the love of Christ in your own life.

So let’s begin.

During my childhood, I grew up in a very firm Christian household. My 3 younger siblings and I were not allowed to listen to secular music, watch certain movies, hang out at certain places, and certainly not date! My family and I went to church every week (sometimes multiple times a week), I sang on the kids choir, danced on the praise team, and I would read my Bible and pray to God everyday…often because I was more afraid of going to hell if I didn’t, Lol. I strived to be perfect at everything, whether that was my grades in school or never getting in trouble with my parents. My parents often tell me the story of how in elementary school I had a mental breakdown and refused to go into the school building one day because I had forgotten a homework assignment. This concept of performance and perfectionism started very early for me, and continued in college and early adulthood.

College exposed me to many things, and certainly everything that I was hidden from as a child. I was determined to finally be free from my parents and do my own thing, while also desiring to be successful (the way that I defined success at the time). I made a lot of friends, held campus leadership positions, joined a sorority, dated/had situationships, got my first tattoos, partied and got drunk often, dabbled in witchcraft and manifestations, pursued the major that was going to make me the most money, lived my life for me. At the same time I was still making time to spend with God, going to church with my friends, hosting bible studies and prayer circles on campus, the whole sha-bang. It's like I was in a battle between living Christ-like and being of the world, and was trying to perform for both God and people.

After graduating, The Lord re-routed my entire life and moved me to Eastern North Carolina to become a teacher. This then started the journey of really trusting God with my life. The degree that I thought was going to pay me 6-figures turned into a paycheck by paycheck lifestyle. Not to mention, I was far away from all of my friends and the lifestyle that I had become used to. I lived in a rural area with little entertainment, no clubs, the nearest big city being over an hour away. At the same time, I was starting a new job as a high school teacher which had its share of challenges by itself. So many other things happened that I can't even sum up enough to fit. It was miserable at first. This was not my definition of success and there was so much shame in that. I questioned and wondered, Lord where are you in this? Why am I here?

City girl meets small town.

At the start of 2020, things began to make a little more sense. Covid hit and this was the time God was able to really get me alone and speak to my heart about this season of life. He let me know this was a season of separation and preparation, like the Israelites in the wilderness before they reached the promised land. I hated it but I surrendered, a little bit, and began the steps of letting God take control over my life. From that, I began to see some light and joy again. I started to enjoy my job working with kids and the community, I formed some really great relationships with people that I would've never expected to, I even competed in a pageant and got to coach and mentor women through that. As time progressed, the more I surrendered, the more God was able to work in my life. (John 10:10)

At the top of the new year in 2023, God began to take things to the next level in refining my life. On January 3, I lost my job as a Head of School. A month after that, God cut off a 3-year “situationship” in a painful way. A month after that, He moved me to ATL to live with my parents. A month after that, I renounced and later denounced my sorority. Month after month God cut, shifted and changed. With all of this happening, I experienced another wave of pain and grief. I remember feeling so lost and overwhelmed again...trying to heal spiritually, financially, mentally and emotionally while still being hit with new challenges that arised. I often asked Him, why am I going through this again Lord? What have I done wrong? Wasn’t I living for you? (back to the performance-mindset)

I once heard pastor Jerry Flowers say that when you make the decision to follow Christ, there’s a break up that has to happen….a breakup with your sin, your idols, certain relationships, the past and it’s patterns. It was intended for things to not look and be the same. And although I had started that process, the journey of sanctification still had to continue. (Isaiah‬ ‭43‬:‭18‬-‭19‬, 2 Corinthians‬ ‭5‬:‭15,17)

At the same time, The Lord began to instruct me to use my social media to share this journey with others. I was so hesitant at first because I was still very much going through it and did not want to share this publicly with anyone. He reassured me, however, that this would not only hold me accountable, but help those going through the same. From this came the birth of “Living Refined”, my testimony series...like a journal of my journey which I am still living today.

The journey has not been perfect. There have been very painful bumps along the way over the past year, temptation to run back to the old or find temporary fixes for the pain, but the true blessing is that Jesus is the most solid rock to lean on when you’re weak. His power is made perfect in our weakness. He’s the shelter to go back to and rest in when it gets too tough. He’s continually refining us, taking us from glory to glory; sanctification...to be more like Him. (2 Corinthians‬ ‭3‬:‭16‬-‭18‬)

So, for anyone who is going through a really dark time right now, and is unsure of where you’re headed…I pray this encourages you to turn to Jesus. He is right there with you, waiting for the moment when you say “Lord, I surrender.” Trust Him with the process, and never look back (like Lot’s wife did...Lol). Stay the course. ;) (Colossians‬ ‭3‬:‭2‬-‭3‬, 10)

Like pure gold takes fire, so does your faith. (1 Peter 1:6-7)